3 Tips to Help Kids Cope With Divorce

Divorce is never easy for anyone, but it is often especially difficult for children. The ending of a marriage can have immediate and lasting effects on a child’s life. However, divorce is often a very busy time for the adults as well. Paperwork, meetings with lawyers, and court proceedings, not to mention the extreme emotional hardship, might keep parents from paying enough attention to their children during a divorce.



All parents, however, want what’s best for their children, even (or maybe especially) during the hard times. If you and your spouse are going through a divorce, here are some tips to follow to help your children cope with the hard times – both present and future.



1. Talk – and listen



As much as you might be sick of having "serious" talks – with your spouse, your close friends, and your lawyer – you should take some time to have serious talks with your kids as well, both as a couple and as individuals.



During these talks, reassure your children that your separation is not their fault. Watch and listen to their responses to make sure they understand and believe this. Tell them why the separation is occurring, but don’t overwhelm them with long stories or unnecessary details. Try to simplify the issue into something your child will understand.



Also be ready to listen to anything your child has to say. Ask him or her what questions he/she has about the situation. Be prepared to give honest answers, including information about living situations. Listen to your child’s input and feelings, and be sensitive to them.



2. Don’t make them choose sides



Asking your children to choose sides – whether directly or indirectly – will only cause more contention in your home, along with more confusion for your child. Don’t place heavy blame on your spouse or make him/her look like the "bad guy." Chances are, you still want your child to have a mother/father figure in his/her life, so don’t start things off in a bad way.



You also need to recognize that your children love both of you, and want to have both of you involved in their lives. Asking them to choose sides would be cruel and unfair.



3. Move on with life – positively



Young children especially thrive on routines. They need things to remain stable in order to feel safe and happy. While some things are definitely going to change, you need to do what you can to stick to your old routines as much as possible. Try to let them see that you can all be happy with your new life; don’t complain or vent to your children.



This also means that you need to keep yourself happy and healthy. Your kids will have a much easier time adjusting if you let yourself adjust as well. Make sure you eat well and exercise regularly to keep your energy and mood high. Also, make sure you are relying on friends and family as much as you need to, to get you through this tough time. They want to help you, so let them! It will be good for you, and for your kids.





These may seem like small steps to take, but they can really make a big difference in helping your children cope with a divorce. Most importantly, though, is to make sure that your kids know that you love them. Do what you can to make them happy, and let them bring happiness to you as well. Express and show your love often, and you can make it through this tough time together.